Thinking About Real Genuine Evolving Ties

My current week revolves around this TARGET. Yes, I was thinking about a cute acronym to launch into this well overdue post. But the weekend has me thinking about my changing ties. Connections and disconnections, which have evolved so much in my past few years. In last month’s post, I mentioned the Chrysalis phase of my life’s journey. In some ways, I see this phenomenon happening with so many people around me. People going off the grid, expatriating, leaving jobs, finding new purpose and directions in their lives. In general, we seek untying restrictive bonds. But there is a general climate of disconnection happening in our world today. The general feeling coming from that is not a good thing in my opinion.

The several years of my active mental health therapy and healing process from too many complex trauma situations in my family life, has me highly interested in psychology in a way I never embraced before my sixties. I observe far greater pinnacles of success coming from people coming together in collaboration in complimentary ways. Certainly, this was true in my former engineering career and even so way back when I did actuarial work. It remains an essential ingredient of the musical efforts that I’m currently involved. Collaboration in complimentary ways is a beautiful thing at its core. It’s harmony!

Harmony is a beautiful pursuit, and I’m so grateful to have developed myself the skills to compose harmony to score from my musical thought, my “sing-thinking”, or as my teacher says, my inner lark. I’m also grateful to have overcome some medical and dental challenges that were not easy to manage, especially without any family support. Two years ago, I was in a process to get a dental implant, but the implant screw broke off during the operation. It took another year to resolve this unfortunate mistake in my mouth. I have a medical challenge stemming from a big right toe that was an object of childhood mutilation. I’ve been diagnosed as a victim of child abuse (officially Childhood Narcistic Abuse from the doctor.) My skin on this toe is prone to blisters and calluses and was very close to being amputated in 2025. Wounds on this toe can get ulcerated, requiring special dressings. I have worked extensively with hospital wound care and podiatry over the past three years. Wounds on this toe can immobilize me for weeks if not months. Right now, I’m healed, but I need to be careful. Both challenging situations took long term special efforts to manage on my own, and in ways took me away from listening to my inner lark. Having a home and body in good order is simply essential. The lark is coming back slowly.

Singing is a blessing for me. Over this year, I have noticed that my voice has been healing and really staying in better shape than it has been in years. This is a real source of happiness this year. Currently, I have a legitimate tree octave range with a functional head voice returning to me like I haven’t had in decades. I can attribute this to two significant developments in 2019 and 2024. In 2019, I ended a nicotine addiction somewhat concurrently when I began composing my own music. In 2024 I became divorced and began a much more peaceful home life without the verbal combat and violence coming from former toxic family dynamics. One of the most important elements of my therapy was learning to recognize the difference between people sharing observations vs. opinions/biases. Also, what makes opinionated communication violent through various common patterns (belligerence, manipulation, threats, ultimatums, etc.) Verbal combat in my home life was too prevalent prior to my separation, and among other things, not good for my voice. I will still credit learning about non-violent communication from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg as a key element of my therapy and most important for to establish my essential boundary of no associations with those without compassion and unaware of violence in their communication. I took a seven-part course on emotional intelligence in my therapy that became illuminating.  I would also highly recommend writings and YouTubes by Michael Gervais and Arthur Brooks along with Dr. Rosenberg

Had my ex collaborated with me on this education, perhaps things would have been different. But the reality is that most people afflicted with narcissism, in its different flavors, rarely gain enough awareness to overcome their egos and are hence incurable. I will always appreciate my separation from my former toxic family situations, even if it has left me with no significant family associations at the current time. My peace and stability are more important. Also, my singing voice is much happier, and a European tour with my Choral society is possibly on the horizon next May. Please keep checking the Kirkland Choral Society website to stay up to date on our upcoming 2026-7 season. Also, I may have a possible return to a cappella singing, as I’m beginning to work to put a new vocal group together. This is currently in an embryonic state.

Getting back to the acronym, TARGET, I find myself in this TARGET state quite often, especially in the mornings. I think about this in the context of social fabric, decorum for group efforts and teamwork and how these essential structures are losing recognition and value. People want to run toward these things but instead may be running away and hiding. Running from the scourge that narcissism generates in one out of six of us, killing the teamwork and collaboration that works in successful human family or group efforts. I’ve seen this in my former family, work situations, and I see this on a national scale in our leadership. How are the real genuine ties in my life evolving?

I think I will stop here for now. My summer has some upcoming local travel. I had a great time in Yakima with my friends Doug and Seiko last month. A quick excursion to see my college buddies in Pennsylvania and then a beach trip down the coast, later this summer. And I’m always looking to reconnect with dear friends anytime. I have a nice Starbucks two minutes from home where we can have a nice chat over coffee, anytime. Message me, text me, call me, let’s chat, make plans to connect. Connections are important as I'm on TARGET.

Matthew