Summer Unplugged

OK, I confess the title is partially an excuse for why I haven’t updated my blog, My two ¢ents, in a couple months. Coming into the summer, I had thoughts about potential activities, but instead found myself unplugging from most planned activities, dealing with some personal circumstances and generally maintaining a low profile. In June, there were two people who were significant in my life who passed away. I found myself in grief, but only had a couple friends with whom I could share my feelings. Grief has often overtaken me many times in these last several years in different situations. But grief can accumulate and for me, one grief situation can connect to others. Unplugging was definitely a mental- and emotional-health strategy.

To that end, I was very much looking forward to traveling in June and July. Both excursions turned out to be enjoyable and without adverse incidents. One was a reunion with my college buddies from Lehigh University, at which one of my good friends was being honored. I enjoyed several activities associated with the reunion with my friends from across the country. I have a fondness in my heart for the town of Bethlehem, PA—which was my home for 5 years—and returning there with friends to spend time together was truly a joy. Along with the company, I enjoyed simple pleasures like the beautiful Lehigh campus with deer running in the woods and the views from South Mountain. Also, I enjoyed a decent cheesesteak and pizza like you just can’t get in Seattle.

During my trip, one thing emerged about the relationships I still have with a few of my Lehigh college buddies. That one thing is how long these relationships have endured over my life. I arrived at Lehigh University in August 1974 at age 17 years and 1 month. That’s fifty-two years ago! I joined the Tau Epsilon Phi fraternity soon after. A few of these fraternity brothers I lived with are still my best friends. One of the heart-warming thoughts I felt was how this brotherhood has been more positive, and enduring than the family I grew up with or the family I married into. Fifty-two years being part of this group is longer that the time spent with either of my two “real” families. During my college years at Lehigh and while living at my fraternity, I became aware of my friends' family situations and the differences between them and what I experienced in my own family. It was essential to my growth.

Please enjoy a few photos from my recent trip back to Bethlehem, PA.

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Upon returning home from the June trip to Pennsylvania, I was beginning to get back to my routines but soon found out about the deaths in my family, the first of which was my father's best friend, with whom my stepmother had been living for over thirty years after Dad passed away. Of course, my dad's friend was my friend as well, and I have fond memories of times with him including times dining, enjoying good whiskey, and a couple of wonderful salmon fishing adventures. (The last leg of my upcoming July trip to the Pacific coast was planned to be with him and my stepmom but his sudden death changed things.)

A couple days after learning about my dad's friend passing away, I got the first phone call in two-and-a-half years from any blood relative of mine. It was a cousin from Texas sending news of his mother’s (my aunt’s) recent passing. She was a favorite aunt of mine, who was an accomplished, multi-talented musician: a singer, an instrumentalist, and a music teacher. I have dear memories of this aunt, with whom I lived for a few weeks along with my cousins, when I was becoming a teenager.

Initially, I was sad to hear the news, but was happy to hear from someone I was related to for the first time in so long. But during the phone call, conversations began to stir memories and thoughts about situations that had remained toxic and unresolved between other family members outside of me. Some of these situations go back to my own mother’s relationship with this aunt, memories of which reminded me about how toxic, self-centered, narcissistic behavior can run in families like a cancer devouring positive family love. Not only did the two losses stir grief within me, they also aroused other recent grief in my own life that resulted from a lack of my being shown authentic love from my family; the kind of genuine love that I’ve seen in other families. This whole situation remains disorienting and isolating for me.

As a result, in my solitude I further unplugged. During this time between trips, there were several developments that steered me toward a happier disposition. First, I was able to discuss my grief with my mental health therapist, which was very helpful. I was happy about getting ready to go on a wonderful trip down to the Oregon Coast in July. Also, several out-of-town friends stayed in good touch and one of my Lehigh buddies came to visit here from Philadelphia twice. I was also much more drawn into the excitement of the World Cup than I had previously anticipated. And, I even had a nice birthday party with my best friends after a fun and mildly profitable day at the horse-racing track at which I won big on a young horse named MattieGoingCoastal. Of course, the name was perfect, since I was about to travel to Lincoln City on the Oregon Coast two days later.

I really needed that upcoming eleven-day trip to further unplug and disconnect. I was not only thinking about my own grief, but the larger situation in this world and its constant, chaotic, distressing news. Without getting into details about my observations of national and world events, a few months back, I simply would call it our "current dystopia." But in this time, I’m getting more creative with my terminology. The state of our world continues to devolve from dystopia to something multidimensional (clusterfu**topia?) Another reason to unplug.

I had a marvelous trip to the Oregon and Washington coasts this summer, getting down to Newport and Yachats, buying a few souvenirs, some wonderful meals, and escaping hot inland temperatures; I don’t remember a temperature above 70º F while I was on the coast. After several days in Lincoln City, I spent a couple days in Seaside and, finally, some quality time with my stepmom in Long Beach on the southwest corner of the Washington coast. We shared several hours in conversation about the man we just lost. We talked about my father as well. Our connection means a lot to me.

Here are a few pictures of my trip to the coast.

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While in Long Beach with my stepmom, I wrote lyrics capturing my thoughts coming out of this trip. Normally, I do not share lyrics of mine prior to the music of the song being developed, but I was able to write a nice set of lyrics which really captured my feelings on this trip. A little preview of an eventual new song, “On the Coast”

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On the Coast

Looking up I see the breeze changing directions, not in the typical way.

This month, I feel grief from many reflections of those losing love in the fray.

Giving love and life to Marvin and John, there is Sally, now a widow again.And this weekend, Adela, my beautiful aunt, is at peace with her life at an end.

Chorus:

On the coast, the waves keep on churning

As I seek paths to my learning,

And the people I know fade away, fading slow,

As my thoughts become much more discerning.

Families converging, many with tears; feelings and love sadly shared. Somehow, I live outside of this sphere, where few have shown love or have cared.

Chorus: On the coast, the waves keep on churning

As I seek paths to my learning, And the people I know fade away, fading slow, As my thoughts become much more discerning.

Bridge: Yet, I’m still at peace; and the breeze is still gentle, with sunshine emerging today. I’m here writing thoughts feeling so sentimental, thinking God has a will and a way.

Some lives conclude and others unfold; most of us caught in between. It’s a blessing to learn a path to pursue bringing purpose for one’s self-esteem.

Chorus: On the coast, the waves keep on churning

As I seek paths to my learning, And the people I know fade away, fading slow, As my thoughts become much more discerning.

----------------------------------------------- Now that it’s August, I’m slowly beginning to plug in a little. One sign of that is this blog post. Football season is around the corner, and I’ll be going to games. I’m still mildly challenged by my funky right big toe but staying in pretty good physical shape in general. Most recent doctor and dental appointments went very well and my health is keeping me independent. I’ve been enjoying some cooking projects, including roasting fresh peppers in my air fryer to make some amazing salsas and making preserves from our local strawberry and cherry crops. Also, we're only a month from the resumption of rehearsals for Kirkland Choral Society and our eventual tour to Germany next year. I'm looking forward to getting plugged in soon. Where’s the outlet?