Season’s Greetings for 2025

As this year closes, some reflections on the year, as well as on these last few weeks, are in order. 2025 was a year of necessary sabbatical for me, a year in which I needed to put my musical endeavors on the back burner to address the impact of huge changes in my life in the prior two years: retirement from my data engineering career, my mother’s death, my own divorce, and a change of residence, all involving overwhelming changes in my life and to my relationships.

My six-and-a-half years of mental health therapy continued to be a lifeline through this last year, helping me to recover from significant complex traumas in my life. During that time, three psychiatrists and three different counselors reached the same diagnoses. This mental health care is allowing me to learn so much about the roles people have played in my life and the psychological damages that resulted from family scapegoating and gaslighting. I never asked to grow up in a toxic family, and I only came to understand that I married into another in the course of my therapy. Understanding the circumstances of a toxic family is unique in every family situation, but I’ve learned in therapy that classes of behaviors are consistent among these families. Most common is that hate is tolerated and demonstrations of love and compassion to other family members are either rare or non-existent. Judgmental conversation and tactical verbal combat are rampant. Blaming and belligerence develops. I believe toxic behavior is often tolerated, normalized and on the rise. You may have your own definitions of what is toxic, but I strongly encourage watching this link to understand my own sense that normalized toxic behavior is a scourge on a huge scale  YouTube:  How Society Is Being Destroyed By Toxic People 

Ultimately, I had to ask myself: Why interact with families in which every single member that I am related to has not demonstrated any compassion or love toward me for so long I can’t remember? I came to understand through my therapy how significant family members couldn’t show love toward me. Additionally, some of my family members have been brutally and belligerently judgmental of the therapy itself. Perhaps sourced in their own insecurities. My 2025 Adjustment Disorder diagnosis is real, as are past diagnoses of Complex PTSD and Childhood Narcissistic abuse, and I’m happy to be actively recovering and healing.

How can there be peace on Earth and goodwill toward men when toxic family situations are so rampant? Ironically, being disconnected from my relatives is now sparing me from these damaging situations. I only had one text message from a relative for Thanksgiving. Nothing yet for Hannukah. Individual and group therapy in estranged family discussion groups have helped me understand my situations. Additional personal contacts from old friends would also be welcome.

I continue to revere the teachings of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg on Non-Violent Communication and Arthur Brooks, the “Professor of Happiness” at Harvard. I strongly encourage you to check out their material, especially on YouTube. They have been a wonderful source of guidance and wisdom as part of my therapy. Unlocking my creativity through composing music over these past six years has also been a wonderful part of my therapy, and I am looking forward to a productive 2026 in this space. I try to meditate once or twice a day. I also continue to sing, having just finished performing in three concerts last week,

which I mentioned in my last blog post. I now have new music to study for a concert with Kirkland Choral Society coming up in February.

Physically, I’m feeling strong and healthy despite a couple challenges. Recent labs came back with good results. Earlier this year, my doctor prescribed Ozempic for my diabetic condition, and it has worked wonders. I’m back to wearing sizes I was wearing in my mid-teens, and my bloods tests are consistently in pre-diabetic range again. My one persistent challenge comes from a skin condition affecting my right big toe. It makes my toe prone to blistering, and it’s difficult to heal. It was healed from March through October, but I reinjured it on my trip in LA. I’m happy to report that it seems to have healed again, and I should be good in January. It’s kind of like a flat tire that keeps me off my feet for weeks to heal.

My life has become much more peaceful and steadier as of late. I am fortunate to have an apartment with which I’ve become quite happy. I love my comfortable place and its location near downtown Woodinville. I’m able to keep it clean and well-stocked, and I feel I’m leading an abundant life. Occasionally, I connect with the local senior center, and I stay connected with friends from high school, college, and my musical activities. I continue to meet new people and make new friends. I continue to travel every month or two, and I have a lot of 2026 travel planning to do these next few weeks. Most importantly, I will continue to journal and tell my story in my personal diary, this blog, and through new music that I’m composing. Please follow my efforts in 2026 by staying tuned to my blog and website, www.alphasongs.net, and by liking, subscribing to, and commenting on my social media links for Alphasongs LLC. Please keep in touch.

Finally, I would love to hear from you over these holidays. I hope you find peace and love this season, and I extend my very best wishes for the coming year.

Sincerely,

Matthew L Kearns, Composer(ASCAP)

(finally!!)