Into an October Journey

Driving Around and Round Again

Today is within the annual time of the year where I reflect and think deeply about my life’s journey. In my faith, we call it Yom Kippur. Yesterday, I tried to meditate and calm myself to sit down and work on my music. Right now, I’m working on two love songs, one from the play I’m working on and another from my own new lyrics just finished. But I really struggled to settle my mind. I think there is tremendous amounts of social anxiety in our current world, but sometimes, my own personal anxieties connect strongly with the numerous social anxieties we see in today’s news. I know many of us are affected by these recent events.

These days, I do spend time on YouTube on a variety of topics. One must be discerning with the content on You Tube, but to me it brings great value in so many facets of my life. One area that has really helped has been the large amount of content around my own trauma recovery journey. If you read this and you are someone who I know personally that really wishes to understand my trauma journey, I was able to find a video, that in 15 minutes is the most authentic description of the conditions I have discovered to be mine in my six years of therapy. If you care about me please watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owL5pLjln3s

I would be so thankful if you take the time to watch this You Tube to connect with my recovery situation. Unfortunately, right now, I feel very disconnected from family connections for reasons of needing to avoid my toxic family structures that prior to therapy, I was conditioned to live with and ignore. Being abused and manipulated in family relationships when vulnerable is not my fault. It hurts. But I’m healing. If you wish to reconnect without guilt or shame, that would help me too. I'm trying to get through a musical mental block, so musical connections really help.

I feel my most important thing to do this year is to continue to tell my story, write my music to give my life a sense of purpose, continue my therapy to heal, stay as healthy as I can, and connect or reconnect where I can and with total mutual respect for my boundaries – 1) No violent communication 2) Authentic, non-transactional relationships with real offline communication 3) Mutual respect for each other’s culture, history, dreams and endeavors.

Other than that, I really do love this time of year. October is always such a transitional month. I love pumpkin seeds. And singing rehearsals with Kirkland Choral Society https://www.kirklandchoralsociety.org/ (upcoming concerts) And football season!!

  Sincerely, Matthew